Did you ever have those weeks where there was nothing to complain about? Like, everything just sort of happened – and there was nothing all that exciting going on?

Well, that’s this week. Just kind of meh. And nothing makes me more pissed off than having nothing to be pissed off about.

March 11th – Dane County is Born. Cool.

So yeah, Dane County – the fixed-gear bicycle of Wisconsin counties, was officially organized on this day in 1839. In the territorial legislation they required elections to be held on the first of May of that year.

Awesome. I’m sure right after that they eliminated plans for like 10,000 parking spots in Madison, and gave everyone with a douche-y haircut and over-inflated sense of self a free house in the new county.

March 12th – That Guy That Bridge Is Named After is Born

Daniel Hoan, born on this day in 1881, was the longest-serving Socialist mayor in the history of the United States, serving from 1916 until 1940.

During that time he built some of Milwaukee’s first low-income housing programs, the city, and possibly the country’s first public bus system, and municipal control of sewage systems, street lamps, and water purification programs. He is widely considered one of the most successful and efficient mayors in the history of the United States.

As thanks, the City of Milwaukee named an expensive, impractical, and mildly attractive political boondoggle of a bridge after him. Because no good deed goes unpunished.

March 13th – A Whole Bunch of Nuns Show Up

On this day in 1849, five men and six Franciscan Sisters left Bavaria for a new life and the promise of clean spiritual living in the Upper Midwest.

They landed on the southern shore of Lake Michigan near Milwaukee, and founded the Sisters of St. Francis of Assisi, and dedicated themselves to taking care of orphans.

I’m sure they’re fine or whatever. It’s just – like – I don’t know. There wasn’t even a fire or corruption scandal or orphan-selling scheme to riff off of. Kind of a bummer.

March 14th – Baraboo Floods

OH HELL YES. Now we’re on to something. March 14th, 1854: the Baraboo River is rolling over its banks – and it’s heading straight to the mill!

Is this a big deal? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS.

The Sauk county Historical Society said the mill was the absolute center of the local economy at that point, and the loss of flour, equipment, and materials could be devastating. This is the kind of shit that makes a good story! Mother Nature’s really got the town by the short and curlies here – let’s see what happens.

Wait – what?

The whole town rallies together, chopping down trees and transporting flour, and SAVES THE MILL?

So, like, everything just works out and we learn a lesson about the value of being a good neighbor? God damnit. I just cannot catch a break today.

March 16th – Committee Suggests New Ballpark and Then Doesn’t Do Anything

Believe it or not, in 1987, Milwaukee County formed a committee to decide the future of Milwaukee County Stadium. Should they repair the stadium, or build a new one?

In 1988, they gave their answer: build a new one, and finish it up in 1992. By 2001, Miller Park was built in the shadow of County Stadium.

So that was some efficient work.

March 17th – Man Who Smells Like Ham Born

Fun fact: every Wednesday I leave 5 slices of ham on Patrick Cudahy’s grave to appease his restless soul. He’s never haunted me personally, so I can only assume it’s working.

Anyway, Patrick Cudahy was born on this day in 1849 in Ireland. He moved to Milwaukee and at 14 began a future in the exciting world of meat-packing. By 1888, he bought out the Plankinton family for sole control of what is now the world-famous meat company. In the 1890s, Cudahy was yearning to build a city that smelled just like meat and hot garbage. A place where you could always be three steps from a bar and a forklift at the same time.

A place called Cudahy, of course. The town was incorporated in 1906, and has been made fun of ever since.